Ugly, Ugly Me

I just want someone to think I'm pretty ...
To take a moment to look at me and be mystified
For their breath to still, caught in their throat

They are drawn to me ...
Something I possess
They approach me with a simple "hello"
But it is so much more


It is I want you ...
It is I adore you ...

This look in your eyes I will never see
Because I am immature and foolish
Because I am not the shape of an hourglass
Because my skin is two shades darker than mocha

Because I view myself as ugly
And that's what you see ...

Ugly, ugly me ....

Manless Woman ... Who Amounts to Nothing

I wish I could trust people ... 

However life has thought me to expect the worst and that the best very rarely comes.  

I've done what I considered my best but I've become tired of trying.  

This is my life and I've surrendered to it.

I was born with two strikes

I'm dark skinned

I'm female

and in my stupidity I've added the third and final strike by being larger than life.  

I have no respect ... nothing is really mine and death is not an option trust me I've tried.  

I've attempted to end the pain several times.  

But I'm doomed ... beaten down and stuck here.  

I'm trapped in these four walls that I loathe, unable to experience life because I can withstand no more hurt.  I don't trust people enough to be kind.

This is what happens when I have too much time alone.  

I think, I analyze, and I'm brutally honest with myself.

No one will ever love me.  I'm not pretty enough.  

I will not be promoted.  I'm not smart enough.

I will only have the life I've dreamt of through the stories I've created.

And He, well ... He likes Asians.  

The truth hurts but sometimes it's good to remind myself where I stand.  

I will forever be a manless woman ... who amounts to nothing