Dear Him Part 2

Dear Him,

I just want to say I'm sorry for my immature antics regarding my infatuation with you.  I had loose lips regarding my want and you wound up getting harassed and that wasn't my intention. I just couldn't keep it to myself.  I couldn't tell you because I was scared.

I could handle you telling me no ... you don't feel it like I do.

It's a feeling so strong within me and I'm left without a release since I will never see you again.

I would also like to say thank you.  Thank you for dealing with my inner crazy with such tact.  You still respected me even though I'm sure I made your life miserable.

You are truly an honorable man and the woman that actually gets you is truly, truly lucky.

I envy her.

Dear Him

Dear Him,

You know who you are.  I don't know how this happened.  I guess it was just me wishfully thinking that God laid you aside for me.  When I look upon you I see ... perfection.

Everything I've every wanted.  I just want to know you and every time I think maybe you feel it too I feel let down.

Please know that I'm not a toy.  Please don't play with me ... not my emotions anyway.  What I want is simple.  Our time together is running short.  I just want a sign that you may be interested in meeting me.  We should start slow just to see if when we both come out of our shell our we people that we'd even want to interact with.  I think it will hurt me greatly to have to leave that place and to never know what you were thinking in regards to me.

I wish I had the time to move slow.  I just want to give you my number. Just in case you're curious too.

But deep down I know that it's something I will never do ...

So Mr. Him, know that there was this woman who wanted you more than anything and that she literally ached to get to know you.  She's not crazy she just extremely sigh and doesn't want to be hurt.  So writing this here is the best she can do.

Good luck in everything you do and I will miss you.

AJ

For Him

This is something I wrote before I found out he was kind talkin' to somebody.  Even though it really sucks I did get a really good poem out of it .. 

I'm sure how to read you

All I can be sure of is

All the things you don't do ...

You don't talk to me

You don't even look at me

It leads me to believe 

You are not the one for me 

Even though I want to be 

Wrapped up in your everything.

Just some silly ramblings by a girl with insecurities 

That wants to be the one you need 

But would never believe you could want me .... 

I dream about you constantly 

You wake me from my haunting dreams

And make it impossible for me to sleep

It's sad because we never speak

All it takes is one simple thing

Just take one good look at me

It's enough to make the same old thing 

Keep happening ...

I don't want to want you 

Not unless you want me too

I guess there's nothing I can do

 But wait until I"m done with you or hope to fall for someone new.

The Only Man I'll Ever Love

I’ve never pretended to be strong

I never pretended to be smart or beautiful

I just wanted to feel the high of pressing against you

You the man I chose

And will choose time and time again

You the man I care for and want to speak to daily

You the man that I cry for and yearn for

You the man who causes my heart to be heavy

I thought I could disconnect and not feel

But when you touch me I melt

Involuntarily

I fall as you Fall Back

Leaving me to deal  . . . making me stronger

But hurting me at the same time

But . . .

You . . . the man I want more than anything

You the man I crave

You the man I ache and throb for

Will never know my real pain because I will never share my secret obsession

I will never let you in that deep

I will never look into your eyes as you thrust inside of me

Then you’ll know my secret . . .

You’d have to be blind not to see it . . .

You could be blind and not want to see

I know I don’t want to feel

That strongly

I just want to be in your arms

Comforted by your warmth

I’ll clench my pillow tonight and pretend it’s you

I’ll let my head wrap around all of our memories and pretend it’s a great romance

I’ll save my sobs for tomorrow . . . and pray that tomorrow never comes

All I wanted was to be in your arms.

Untitled Poem

What’s in the heart

I know what’s in mine . . . it’s been wrapped up tight and confined

Unleash to let go

Of the ugliness inside

Intense beat

Continuous boom

Threatening sounds of being doomed

Don’t let me go . . . I’ll drown. Will God save me? Will He save me if I jump?

I want . . .

I desire . . .

The things that my heart tells me I require

The intense pull that is the want of your touch . . . with that death could come.

Because with out it what am I?

I am nothing if not a reflection of you and what you want me to be?

So now what will you do?

Do you know what your heart is telling you?

Eye contact - a scary thing as he pulled me into his arms, I will love you until it kills you for you are mine. I will not allow you to surrender, the deepest part of my heart releases a sigh as we embraced. It was fate.