Blood in the Snow

Little tiny bundle that rests in my womb
That reminds me of him and I
Sweet little flutters as our love grows
Inside . . . 

I’m apprehensive it was my love not ours
My desire to be filled that caused our union to happen so quickly
and his desire to be free that pulled him away
From . . .

Our love could have been so great
The reflection of us in her while she plays
Sweet like sugar
Strong like steel
She will steal some young man’s heart
One day . . .

You may see her and notice that she carries your smile and my eyes
She walks with my same gentle insecure stride
Yet laughs like you
And you wonder? 
Could she have been mine?
Could she have been ours? 
That grew in her womb
The same heart that flutters
And made my lover cry as she lay on her back and listened for the last time. 
The last time when she told our baby goodbye. 

She could have been sweet like sugar
Strong like steel

I played with her heart and she could not heal
She could see my smile in our baby’s face
So she said goodbye before saying hello

Her love was real, innocent, and pure
I didn’t deserve what I took from her hungrily
It’s not her fault she loved me and wanted to show me
As she laid her body down and spread her legs and looked up toward the ceiling praying to God it wouldn’t hurt. 
Asking Him to make me like her, make me love her . . .

I heard her prayers
I loved her that’s why I pushed her away
I had another that wasn’t so tame

In my world she would have grown bitter and our child would have been shamed
Our child
Hers and mine
I sit at the bar and raise my glass this is how I say goodbye to the life we created
The life that had to die . . .

Sweet like sugar
Strong like steel

Maybe one day your heart will heal
And you’ll find another and create a new life
That will have your spirit and your smile
I watch through the window as you hold your empty stomach and sob
Lifeless . . .

I loved you

 I did                                                                   

But I couldn’t leave my wife.
This is our final goodbye
I’m sorry it took all this time
And I filled your head with maybe’s
Filled your womb with a child only for it to be murdered

Your warm heart now cold
Debating whether you will ever trust love again
I felt the ache in your last tear drop
Saw you grab for the gun
Put it in your mouth and pull the trigger

I stood frozen like cement
My beautiful young one what have you done?
You were better than me, better than this
So much better than this . . .