Ugly, Ugly Me

I just want someone to think I'm pretty ...
To take a moment to look at me and be mystified
For their breath to still, caught in their throat

They are drawn to me ...
Something I possess
They approach me with a simple "hello"
But it is so much more


It is I want you ...
It is I adore you ...

This look in your eyes I will never see
Because I am immature and foolish
Because I am not the shape of an hourglass
Because my skin is two shades darker than mocha

Because I view myself as ugly
And that's what you see ...

Ugly, ugly me ....

For Him

This is something I wrote before I found out he was kind talkin' to somebody.  Even though it really sucks I did get a really good poem out of it .. 

I'm sure how to read you

All I can be sure of is

All the things you don't do ...

You don't talk to me

You don't even look at me

It leads me to believe 

You are not the one for me 

Even though I want to be 

Wrapped up in your everything.

Just some silly ramblings by a girl with insecurities 

That wants to be the one you need 

But would never believe you could want me .... 

I dream about you constantly 

You wake me from my haunting dreams

And make it impossible for me to sleep

It's sad because we never speak

All it takes is one simple thing

Just take one good look at me

It's enough to make the same old thing 

Keep happening ...

I don't want to want you 

Not unless you want me too

I guess there's nothing I can do

 But wait until I"m done with you or hope to fall for someone new.

The Stigma of Social Media ... Are all Men Like this?

Lately, I've been having a problem with my self worth. I am wondering how I am viewed through the eyes of others.... this one guy I work with makes a point of stating how he only likes white women and it leaves me feeling like my complexion isn't attractive. He talks about people's weight again making me feel ugly. I have struggled a long time mainly in high school with this. It hurts that it is once again an issue in my life. I know not everyone thinks like he does ... but do most people?

Manless Woman ... Who Amounts to Nothing

I wish I could trust people ... 

However life has thought me to expect the worst and that the best very rarely comes.  

I've done what I considered my best but I've become tired of trying.  

This is my life and I've surrendered to it.

I was born with two strikes

I'm dark skinned

I'm female

and in my stupidity I've added the third and final strike by being larger than life.  

I have no respect ... nothing is really mine and death is not an option trust me I've tried.  

I've attempted to end the pain several times.  

But I'm doomed ... beaten down and stuck here.  

I'm trapped in these four walls that I loathe, unable to experience life because I can withstand no more hurt.  I don't trust people enough to be kind.

This is what happens when I have too much time alone.  

I think, I analyze, and I'm brutally honest with myself.

No one will ever love me.  I'm not pretty enough.  

I will not be promoted.  I'm not smart enough.

I will only have the life I've dreamt of through the stories I've created.

And He, well ... He likes Asians.  

The truth hurts but sometimes it's good to remind myself where I stand.  

I will forever be a manless woman ... who amounts to nothing